Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I AM VODKA MAN
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
