I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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