i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
