I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
