Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
