Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
