So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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