this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
