I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
