Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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