my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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