Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
