Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
