my mouth tastes like poor choices
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
then he tried to convert me to islam
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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