The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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