i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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