No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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