Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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