I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
