Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
did i just pee glitter
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
