She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
