i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Where is the hickey?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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