There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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