I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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