she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
