there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
