My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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