Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize