We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Randomize
