For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
