She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
