dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
