I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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