My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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