This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
