You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
