Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
