The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
