I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
