She's JV to your varsity
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
