How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize