Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We have so much sex to catch up on
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
