To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
