hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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