She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
