No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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