5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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