put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
