we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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