Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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