Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
