It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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