operation harelip BJ is a go
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
