ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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