you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
