Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i think i have two assholes
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
