i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
