he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
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