Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
