Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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