I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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