Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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