Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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