But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Vodka?
Forever.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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