Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Four minutes until I can fart!
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
And then he peed in my hair
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