I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
