Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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