Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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