I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
