Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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